Your tongue gets tied, you sweat, or you just clam up and can’t say a thing. We all know that how we talk to our partners about our own feelings can sometimes leave them feeling offended and hurt. So, if you’re going to stop talking about your relationship, what are you supposed to talk about instead? 4 Ways to Say (and Get) What You Want in Your Relationship Saying what you want is a powerful tool to resolve conflict. But, learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship does not have to come naturally. [Read: And to you, I would not say to release your feelings so abruptly and enjoy the feeling that comes with it, because for you the feeling will likely be dread that that pain will come again. And as you slowly offer more and more vulnerability to your partner, and they continue to earn your trust you will feel more secure and safe sharing even more. “Often, the reason identifying and being vulnerable with your partner about how you are feeling is difficult is because we don't take the time to identify our feelings and process them ourselves. It seems to them that the soulmate is encroaching on his personal space, and is too hastening events. It is always a risk to open your heart to someone. Let your partner see the whole you, quirks and all, and enjoy taking your walls down together, brick by brick. It is human nature to preserve oneself. Pull the words out of yourself like ripping off a Band-Aid. If you can substitute the words 'I think' for 'I feel' in a sentence, then you have expressed thought and not a feeling. By letting someone know that, you are giving them a special glimpse into a part of you that few people may see. It can cause stress and tension that lead to insomnia, illness, and even physical pain in some cases. So, if you’re not sure what your partner is feeling, ask them. You may never feel 100% comfortable with it. Maybe even share your feelings with someone you do trust just to see how letting them out feels. First things first, this is all normal. I feel' rule. If you’re working on being open with your feelings, Dr. Tcharkhoutian says using “I feel” statements is a great way to get started. If you want your spouse to continue to share on this level, it is important not to get irritated or defensive about the feeling expressed to you. Yes, the first time you talk about your feelings in a relationship, you will be nervous. Letting someone into your deepest emotions is a vulnerable thing. There is a lot of courage and strength needed to be open and honest with how you feel. Foster Girlfriend: Do You Always Seem to Be Stuck in the Role? All rights reserved. Set aside some quiet time to talk about your feelings and plan how each of you will manage during your time apart. Over time, it will get better, but even just taking the first step to realizing that this is something you want to work on is a great start. There are so many people losing their faith in relationships. Take this as a big indicator that she’s looking to get into something serious, hopefully, with you! So when a couple is what I call 'emotionally naked,' they give each other the gift of certainty that they’ll be safe and loved. And I have some news. The worst part is that we can’t explain that either. How comfortable are you when talking about your feelings with your partner? We would never move out of our parents’ house or get a new job or travel. It isn’t easy to admit you’re having trouble with something, especially something so delicate, but you did it. Your tongue gets tied, you sweat, or you just clam up and can’t say a thing. These topics may be from outside interactions with others or something specifically between you and your spouse. And to you, I would not say to release your feelings so abruptly and enjoy the feeling that comes with it, because for you the feeling will likely be dread that that pain will come again. Talk about your upcoming separation. It’s not healthy to say you’re okay when you’re not and then get mad at your partner … Here is how Dr. Tcharkhoutian says to change the dynamic. You might hesitate, stumble over your words, or sweat profusely, but that is okay. But, that is okay. by Jeffrey Levine . By nature, they are more open and willing to share their emotions and feelings with their partner. The beginning of any new relationship is usually a lot of fun (albeit a little stressful). Think about it: Someone you like and enjoy feels the same way about you. It's critical that you talk about the highs and lows that have been sprinkled throughout your week. Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. Don’t ignore or dismiss your feelings. That will help you build up to sharing them with your partner. You know that sharing your truth is necessary to live an honest and happy life. One great way to do this, she says, is journaling. You are gaining someone you can confide in and trust. Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness — they mean we're human, says producer and activist Nikki Webber Allen. The reward of acceptance after vulnerability with your partner is very high, but the risk of the person closest to you hurting you when you open your heart to them is also very high," she explains. It can be scary to share such intimate feelings with anyone, especially the person you’re closest with. It doesn't mean I don't care for you if I don't agree with you. You don’t need to sit down and say I’m going to share my feelings with you. … Use “I” statements and stay away from pointing the finger at them. Whether you are talking about your feelings in a romantic relationship, familial one, or even a friendship, you open yourself up to a gamble. “One of the fears in expressing feelings, especially if they are negative as a result of something happening in the relationship, [may be because we are] afraid that our partner will be upset or get defensive. Or something like that? And it isn’t about making small talk. You are being courageous. Or you may want to ensure that your relationship stays healthy. Ultimately, the main takeaway here is that you don’t have to know exactly how to talk about your feelings right now; It's all about the process and putting in effort. So, at this point, I knew it was best for me to be prepared. As a rule, it is women who initiate a frank conversation. You’ll learn that you are your most comfortable when you are 100% yourself and sharing all your real feelings. But sometimes the speaker can attack the listener for not agreeing 100 percent. Make sure you’re in a relationship where you can talk about your problems with someone who cares enough to listen, empathize and change… or at least make an effort to. Gals are able to express their feelings for … There is a big difference between learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship and actually feeling comfortable doing so. And now that you did, you can learn the next steps to learn how to talk about your feelings in a relationship even if you never have before. Remember, you’re trying to solve the problem, not create another one. Even the most forthcoming of us can struggle to share our feelings when we’re in a relationship. You can only have as strong and deep relationship with your partner as you have with yourself,” she explains. Be it … If you're feelin' the relationship and would like to see it go somewhere, let your new partner know. Posted Dec 11, 2015 [Read: How to stop yourself from overthinking in your relationship], How to talk about your feelings in a relationship and be comfortable with it. When you try to speak about your feelings regarding certain behaviors of your partner, it gets even more delicate. It is okay not to feel comfortable with everything. Opening up, especially for the first time, can feel immensely foreign. So many people struggle to talk about their feelings in a relationship. The more you open up, the more the trust builds. [Read: Easy communication exercises to be a better lover and partner, What does it mean to be vulnerable? To improve communication in your relationship, you must discover how to listen, not how to talk. You can feel however you want to feel. Talk about your journey together so far. Do your best to let them know how you’re feeling when you’re ready to open up about it. The worst part is that we can’t explain that either. By releasing your feelings to the person you’re in a relationship with, you are growing that partnership. The worst part is that we can’t explain that either. MORE: 7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success When your partner walks through the door, are you excited to hold them in your arms? Learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship when you never have is full of fear of the unknown, but doing it when you’ve been hurt is even more of a struggle. [Read: Opening up, especially for the first time, can feel immensely foreign. It can be hazardous to your emotional and even physical well-being to hold back your feelings, especially in a relationship. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! Small moments of acceptance and empathy can truly strengthen a relationship to be a safe haven for each partner." Ask your partner if … It … Eventually, you will wonder why you haven’t been doing this all along. A lot of people don't know how to talk about your feelings in a relationship.They believe that it is a waste time. Try to not judge your or your spouse's feelings. Odds are your partner has dealt with the same thing. One of the best parts of being in a relationship is having someone to share everything with: experiences, milestones, opinions, and, perhaps most importantly, feelings. If talking about your feelings is a struggle for you, you're not alone, says Dr. Tcharkhoutian. When you want your life partner to open up about feelings you have to put your “cards” on the table first. Learn communication skills to strengthen your relationship. If you can’t do that, write down your feelings. That seems unrealistic and unfair. I can listen to your thoughts and feelings without agreeing with your point of view. Identifying the deeper emotion helps to foster further connection rather than staying in a reactive place, we transition to a reflective place,” she says. It will feel like a release of so much tension you’ve been holding onto. Talking about your feelings isn’t a sign of weakness. Many of us fall into a familiar trap: We think we’re expressing our feelings, but we’re actually blaming the other person. Take some time to name your own emotions — out loud to someone else is … article continues after advertisement 3. "Research on vulnerability shows us that often, it is the most difficult to be vulnerable with the ones closest to you, including your partner. Just being listened to can help you feel supported and less alone. “It’s important to be open because emotional openness gives your partner something they need: certainty," he said. But, that is okay. Didn’t someone once say nothing worth doing is easy? Letting someone into your deepest emotions is a vulnerable thing. Just let it all out unfiltered. I am a huge sharer. Things You Can Learn From a Failed Relationship: 17 Valued Lessons, The Best Double Date Ideas & Why Every Couple Should Double Date, How to Be Classy: 20 Classy People Traits that Command Awe & Respect. To kiss them? Sharing feelings builds intimacy, but it's also vulnerable. [Read: How to be emotionally available so you can actually feel love], How to talk about your feelings in a relationship when you’ve been hurt. You’ve been hurt by someone you let yourself be vulnerable with and you come to expect that in the future. If you’re working on being open with your feelings, Dr. Tcharkhoutian says using “I feel” statements is a great way to get started. 2. But, learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship does not have to come naturally. In a relationship, let your partner know you have been hurt so talking about your feelings is not something you feel comfortable with yet. If you have begun to feel strongly about the individual you are dating, asking if he or she shares your feelings can be a frightening moment of truth. It may be fear or sadness. [Read: 20 best questions to ask in a relationship and understand each other]. I know from experience that there is always a chance I’ll get hurt. Use the 'I think vs. What could feel better than that, right? Whether you are a closed book or a blabbermouth, learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship can feel so vulnerable. "For this reason, it often feels easier to conceal your feelings and not be vulnerable with your partner, but in the end, protecting your feelings and guarding yourself from your partner only breaks intimacy rather than helping connect the couple. It’s part of taking charge of your wellbeing and doing what you can to stay healthy. How NOT To Talk About Your Feelings In Your Relationship There’s a common mistake many of us make when trying to express ourselves within our relationship. It isn’t easy to admit you’re having trouble with something, especially something so delicate, but you did it. That means talking honestly about what you want, even if it means bringing up uncomfortable topics. You can learn how to talk about your feelings in a relationship with some baby steps. Learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship takes time, patience, and trust. [Read: And as you slowly offer more and more vulnerability to your partner, and they continue to earn your trust you will feel more secure and safe sharing even more. The best relationships inspire passion in both parties no matter what’s going on. After you've said your piece, allow the other person space to talk about their feelings and thoughts, and to ask any questions they might have. I know it is hard to let something that feels so off to you flow naturally, but you can do it. How to talk about your feelings in a relationship when you never have. You can learn how to talk about your feelings in a relationship with some baby steps. Whether you are a closed book or a blabbermouth, learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship can feel so vulnerable. Does it come easily, or do you do everything you can to avoid the subject? [Read: I am a huge sharer. Remember to breath deeply as this will help you communicate your thoughts more clearly, leading to a deeper connection and enhanced trust between the … And eventually, even though it scares you, you won’t hesitate to share your feelings in a relationship because you know how it makes you and your partner closer. [Read: How opening up to people can give you a much better life]. By letting someone know that, you are giving them a special glimpse into a part of you that few people may see. 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